maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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