I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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