Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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