too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sorry about my life...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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