so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
