Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize