I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize