We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i dont even know how to be here
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
