I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
