Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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