Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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