She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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