upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
