she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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