im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
