great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize