how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He did a backflip because drugs
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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