bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just cropdusted the office
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
