he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
