I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
