I puked a lego.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
