If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
