If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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