you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Randomize
