"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
