I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
