You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
