did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
