I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
