You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize