I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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