I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
