fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
