My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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