I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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