We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
