Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
