You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
