can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
