Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
