I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
