is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
