I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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