Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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