My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
