Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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