I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
