I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
