suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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