the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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