So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
