what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize