VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
