ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
