to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
