I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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