12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
