Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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