So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize