my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
