How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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