I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
