He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
