you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
