i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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