Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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