If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
