this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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