This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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