This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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