in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
