Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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