please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
