Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
