I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
