So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
