apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
