Dual....:-)
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
