garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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